“90% is just showing up… but you’ve still got to do something and participate. Thats the point of self-growth.”
Lately, I’ve been obsessed with watching TedTalks on Youtube. Everyone knows that once you start watching something on there, it becomes a wormhole of videos. Hours go by and the only thing that snaps you back into reality is your stomach growling for some grub. Nevertheless, many of you may be sitting back, totally not relating to this, wondering why I would do such a thing – why waste my time? Ultimately, what’s my why?
Throughout my life, I’ve struggled a lot with the why question. It can be difficult to pinpoint why we do things, and when push comes to shove, our motives behind them. A big one that I will continually talk about on my blog until my fingers fall off or my computer blows up (even then I’ll probably still find a way to write about it), is self-care. Whether it’s mentally or physically, we will always ask ourselves those why questions.
For years I had tried to find some sort of routine that worked for me regarding self-care. What I always attempted to formulate was eating healthy, exercising my body and my brain, creating healthy relationships and healthy habits and so on.
You’re probably thinking, “okay, so.. that all sounds fine. Actually, it sounds more than fine. What’s the problem?”
To my dismay, how I went about “taking action” almost always led to the complete opposite: self-sabotage. Finding your why is the first big step, but how you take action and participate in it can either stunt your self-growth, or help you to soar.
From a young age, although it’s a tad fuzzy (much like my hair in third grade), I remember being criticized for my ‘chubby’ exterior and my tom boy clothing choices. I had stained in my brain that I would always be this chubby kid who wore gym shorts and cotton t-shirts for the rest of my life. My why was because that’s all that I felt comfortable in. It’s what bratty kids in my class pointed out, and something that I didn’t think would ever change. When middle school rolled around, I started to hide behind this invisible veil. What was so concealed to everyone else, only became more of a violent turbulence in my own head. I had the same hair style for years – a failed attempt at a ‘duff-puff’ – and the same gym shorts and cotton t-shirts that hid my belly and confidence. My why started to turn from ‘it’s what I’m comfortable in’, to ‘i’m terrified to wear anything else’.
Fast forward to high school, I remember the day that I took down my hair from that flat attempt at a hair puff, put on a stolen pair of lulu lemon pants from my sisters closet (that I still have today – shhh..) and a long sleeve cotton shirt that read ‘Hollister’ down the left arm.
“OH-MY-GOSH!” I said to myself looking in the mirror that day.
I felt like a whole new person. It was terrifying, but exhilarating at the same time. I had grown taller since middle school that somewhat facilitated distribution of said ‘chub’, and I started wearing a little bit of makeup (black eyeliner was VERY in). I felt sweaty and nervous, but good. When I got to my french class, I received positive compliments rather than the negative and condescending comments I had gotten so used to and almost expected. All seemed fine and dandy, but I still didn’t dare take down that veil. I was in (and feel like I still am in many ways) an extremely vulnerable position. My why shifted from comfort, to fear, to now reassurance from others. Though I decided to put those gym shorts and cotton t-shirts in the back of my drawers, my actions steps weren’t for myself at all, and it slowly began the longest season of sabotage in my life.
I understand that for many people, this was a similar reality in their lives as well. There’s a never ending reflection on our lives, whatever circumstance or experience, and like I said before… how you take action and participate in it can either stunt your self-growth, or help you to soar.
Coming back around to the endless hours on YouTube, my why is because I am just so eager to learn and get inspired after so many years of self-sabotaging. But here’s what’s different:
“Forget about your “boundaries,” there are no limits, only those that you created in your head. You don’t need them anymore. But if you give up on yourself, you will become a prisoner in your own life suffering from all those missed opportunities that were in front of you, that you should have just had the courage to realize.”
-Nora Oravecz (Huffington post writer, talking about Tony Robins – The Why Man – seminar topic)-
I used to watch these awesome inspirations with the intent that they were the ones that were going to motivate me to get going. That they were going to help me form this routine of eating healthy, exercising my body and my brain, create those healthy relationships and healthy habits… but I was so far from being correct. The only person that can build on the belief that you are worthy enough, motivated enough and sow the seeds of a driven life is you. YOU are your why, always.
Now, I watch with a pen and paper and write down their tips with the intention of using their advice to remind myself that it’s okay to feel unmotivated sometimes. When I feel myself slipping back into a season of self-sabotage, I choose to take action steps and participate in my self-growth instead of sitting there waiting for someone to tell me what to do.
A little side note; my blog is very faith driven, so a huge part of my personal life, worth and strength come from God and what He has to say about me. After experiencing the school environment I grew up in, and what I continually struggle with everyday, the why for my life is to keep growing in the image He has planned for me to be – with all the recalculations in between. I make my own choices everyday, but when it comes to living out my why, I am always brought back to my faith. My OWN faith is what motivates me to keep going, and promotes self-growth in the best way possible. A verse that I love and will always turn to when I am struggling in my routine is this:
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin.
Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
-Matthew 6:25-34 –
So tell me… what’s your why?
Bye for now,